Resolutions Are Just "Should's" in a Cute Outfit
- Jan 26
- 7 min read
Let's talk about New Year's resolutions for a second. Actually, let's not—because I stopped doing them years ago. Instead, I realized a better approach: the new year doesn't have to be about becoming someone completely new, but about working with who we already are. Honestly? Best decision I ever made.
Here's what used to happen: January 1st would roll around, and I'd create this elaborate list of ways I was going to become a completely different person by February. New workout routine! Meal prep every Sunday! Read 20 books! Learn French!
Fast forward to January 26th: I’m eating cereal for dinner at 11 PM, I’ve skipped the gym for the fifth day in a row, and I’ve had a quiet realization — French baked goods are far more satisfying than trying to master French grammar.
And that’s when it clicked — winter isn’t about becoming someone new. Instead, maybe it’s about recognizing what the season actually asks of us.
Winter Isn’t About Becoming Someone New
Here in Toronto, around 5:00 PM, the sun is already setting, as if it has somewhere better to be. It's cold. It's dark. I leave for work in the dark, come home in the dark, and somewhere in between is this long commute that makes everything feel heavier.
I used to fight against all of it—that frustration, that heaviness. I'd push myself harder, convinced that productivity was the answer. Meanwhile, my body was screaming for rest, and I was too busy feeling guilty about skipping the 5 AM workout or spending $20 on lunch to actually listen to it.
But here's what I've realized: nature itself is resting. Trees aren't frantically trying to grow leaves in January. They're conserving energy, strengthening their roots, preparing for what's coming. And maybe we're not so different?
So that's what I've started doing too. Instead of "New Year, New Me" (which always felt a bit insulting to Current Me), I use January as a chance to enhance what's already there. I look at my life and ask: "What's working? What's not? What can I let go of?"
It's more about alignment than transformation. It's about being a better version of who I already am, not someone else.
The Problem With Resolutions (And Why They Keep Failing You)
In my humble opinion, resolutions are basically just obligations dressed up in motivational language.
"I should lose weight." "I should be more productive." "I should have my life together by now."
And when you build goals on a foundation of should, you're setting yourself up to feel terrible when things don't go according to plan. Why? Because life doesn't care about your bullet journal. Your body doesn't operate on a rigid schedule, and sometimes the best thing you can do is listen to what it actually needs, not what you think it should need.
Maybe that's rest. Maybe that's movement. Maybe it's sitting on the couch for an evening without turning it into a moral failing.
Trust me, as someone whose hair decided to do its own thing without so much as a courtesy text, I've learned that control is mostly an illusion anyway. We can influence, we can adapt, we can make intentional choices—but control? That's a myth we tell ourselves to feel safer. And when we let go of needing to control everything, we actually create space to focus our energy on what we can shape.
So where does that leave us? What if, instead of falling for the same old pattern, we asked a different question?
Here's what I'm proposing: instead of resolutions, what if we just... adjusted? Enhanced? Experimented? What if January wasn't about reinventing yourself, but about making small tweaks to fit the season you're actually in? I've been trying this approach for a while now, and I can't promise it'll change your life, but it's definitely made mine feel less exhausting. Here's what's been working for me:
1. Pick One Thing (Just One)
Not ten things. Not a complete lifestyle overhaul. One. Single. Thing.
Maybe it's drinking more water. Maybe it's setting boundaries with work emails after 7 PM. Maybe it's decluttering a section of your closet.
The magic of one thing is that it's actually doable. When you spread yourself across ten different goals, you end up half-doing all of them and feeling like you're failing at everything. But one thing? You can give it your actual attention. You can build it into your routine without your entire life needing to shift around it. And here's what I've noticed: when you succeed at one thing, it doesn't just stop there. It builds momentum. That confidence creeps into other areas without you even trying. But when you overwhelm yourself with a massive list, you're essentially setting yourself up to feel like you're constantly falling short before you've even started.
2. Audit Your Energy Drains
I did this last month when I finally put my phone down and just sat with myself. No doom scrolling, no distractions—I don't even have a TV in my room, which honestly makes it easier to actually focus. I grabbed my notebook—the one with the messy, half-finished thoughts scribbled everywhere—and wrote down everything that makes me feel exhausted. Not physically tired—soul tired.
There's something about putting pen to paper that helps me clear the noise swirling in my head. Once it's written down, it's real. It's named. It's right there in front of me instead of taking up space in my mind.
Take stock - Is it a friend who only calls when they need something? A social media account that makes you feel inadequate? A commitment you said yes to out of guilt?
You don't have to fix everything right now. But naming it? That's the first step to letting it go. And some things on my list surprised me—turns out I was draining my own energy with expectations nobody even asked me to meet.
3. Try Something Weird
I'm serious. Do something that makes zero sense on paper but sounds fun.
I went to the Museum of Illusions in Toronto with a friend, and seeing myself in wonky mirrors, experiencing the mind tricks at each station, hanging upside down—it brought me right back to being a kid. You know that feeling when drawing hopscotch on the sidewalk was peak entertainment, when rolling down a hill or seeing who could swing the highest was all you talked about until the streetlights came on and you had to go home.
Channeling that inner kid again? Sometimes that's enough. Adulting is hard, but trying a goat yoga class isn't. Learn to bake bread. Rent some skates and hit the outdoor rink. I don't know, just sign up for that thing that pulls you out of your comfort zone—the thing you can look back on and say, "I did that."
New experiences don't have to be productive. They don't have to advance your career or improve your health metrics. They just have to make you feel alive. And in this current climate, we could all use a moment to tap into something that will just give us a good old-fashioned belly laugh.
4. Embrace the Hibernate Energy
Fun fact: winter isn’t summer's lazy cousin. It's a completely different vibe that requires a different approach.
If you're tired, rest. If you need more sleep, sleep. If you want to stay in and read instead of going out, do that. I've been giving myself permission to be a little more hermit-like lately because, in my ripe age of 47, I’ve noticed that there's a difference between being lazy and honoring what your body needs. Lazy feels like avoidance. Rest feels like replenishment. And right now, in the middle of winter, when I'm commuting in the dark and the cold seeps into everything, my body is asking for more gentleness. More stillness. More cozy nights in instead of forcing myself to be "on" all the time.
There's a reason nature slows down in winter. Trees aren't producing fruit. Animals are conserving energy. And maybe we should too, instead of fighting against what our bodies are literally asking for. It's not giving up—it's strategic rest, so we have something to give when spring actually comes.
5. Reframe “Falling Off Track.”
You're not falling off track. You know what you're doing? You're rerouting. Like when GPS recalculates because you missed a turn and now you're somehow in a Costco parking lot.
Give yourself permission to pivot. To change your mind. To realize something isn't serving you and move on without the guilt trip. I'm still learning this one—still catching myself spiraling when things don't go "according to plan." But I'm getting better at asking: whose plan was this anyway? Did I actually want this, or did I think I should want it? Because there's a massive difference between falling off track and realizing you were on the wrong track to begin with.
Sometimes the detour is the actual path. Sometimes what looks like failure is just your course correcting toward something that fits better. And that's not something to beat yourself up over—that's growth.
6. Check In With Yourself (Not Your To-Do List)
Every week, I try to ask myself: "How am I actually doing?" Not "Did I complete my goals?" Not "Am I on track?" Just: "How am I?" You're allowed to just be here, taking up space, breathing, surviving. It all counts.
I find we spend so much time measuring ourselves against arbitrary markers of productivity that we forget to check in with the person actually living this life. And when I do pause to ask myself how I'm really doing—not how I think I should be doing—the answer is usually different from what I expected. Sometimes I'm better than I thought. Sometimes I need more support than I've been giving myself. Either way, I can't know unless I actually ask.
What I Know For Sure Is...
So as you move into this year, challenge yourself to skip the pressure of reinvention. Pick one thing—just one—to try, adjust, or nurture. Show up for yourself in a real, tangible way. Because here's what I need you to remember, Bestie: You're not behind. You're not failing. You're just growing roots in the winter—and that's exactly where you're supposed to be. Make this the year you act with intention and kindness. Start today. Your future self will thank you for it.
Drop a comment—I'd love to hear what's one small thing you're enhancing (not overhauling) this year. And if you need someone to help you figure out what that one thing is, or you're craving a space to think it through out loud, book a free 20-minute exploration call with me. No pressure, no pitch—just two humans talking about what's real.
-xoxoxo
Your Bald Bestie
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